15 Nov 2006

I always said I was a juicy piece of man candy... Dicitionary.Com defines discomfort as 1. an absence of comfort or ease; uneasiness, hardship, or mild pain. 2. anything that is disturbing to or interferes with comfort. I define discomfort as 43 hives appearing around my neck on Sunday, 27 individual hives appearing on my right arm on monday followed by another 12 on my left arm and numerous blisters and red spots suddenly appearing all over my back and legs shortly there after. I state here for the record that I am not a fan of tradional western medicine - not that I'm an incense loving hoaxa tea drinking, yoga worshiping neophyte hippie far from it (except for the hoaxa tea thing) just that I don't really want pills and steroids and antibiotics raging unchecked through my liqour infused body. That changes at 3 in the morning when I am in extreme discomfort. That changes when hives appear on my eyelids, on my ears, my toes and my hand swells so that I can't close it. After that point shoot me the fuck up with whatever you have handy. Steriods, pile em on, wanna test a new radiation therapy - please It'd be my pleasure - pump me full of artificial pick me ups like a lab rat and watch me explode across the sky like a billion bottle rockets on the 4th of july. I checked myself into the ER. Nicole and Eric went with me, Nicole also seemed to be having the same problem but not as bad. For her it was confined to her legs and cheeks whereas I looked like I coated myself in red chile and then jump kicked a wasps nest. This was my first time visit as a patient in a hospital. I was also slightly buzzed and more then a little nervous. I went to a room and they took my temperature and blood pressure and then put me in a gown. Nicole and Eric where in the next little partioned off corner of the room. I opened the curtains to hear them laughing at my lack of modesty - quickly I crossed my legs. In my mind I was trying to figure out how I could achieve the following: A) How to get rid of the rash that was covering my body B) How to not pay for the visit C) How to get a prescription for either valium or medical marijuanna With luck and charm I achieved 2 out of 3 The Doc deteremined that I was suffering from an acute allergic reaction to bug bites suffered from one of the shady hotels I'd been staying in. I determined my name was Eric Fura and signed his name to all the forms (any reference to people either living or dead is purely coincidental) The doc gave me benadryll, steriods (not the pump you up kind - I asked) antibiotics and something for the inflamation. In a bold effort to achieve my third goal of narcotics I told the doctor I had extreme anxiety - told him I was scared of scratching myself to ribbons in my sleep - scared I would wake up without a face and if there was anything he could do... He paused for a second, I took the oppurtunity to reach into my pocket - slip him a twenty to see if it would help, instead I pulled out a $1 bill and a devilish smile. You can't win em all. I went back to my hotel with Eric and Nicole and took all my meds. They told me I couldn't drink because of my antiobiotics. This lasted for a day. My hives are faded, my skin is a solid mocha brown and my blood is pulsing with chemicals. Kind of like I never left Santa Fe.